MIM Day 22: War and Grace

There is a stillness inside. Amazing, really. Considering we're hurtling through space at 1610km/hr, I'm tired, hungry, and am having (so are you) 60,000 thoughts a day.

There is a point of focus inside, which is empty. Amazing, really. Considering how full I am of aspiration and concern, abundance and lack. Full to the rim, and yet, in the stillness of a simple moment, there is nothing. It's all vapour.

MIM has been so easy, and entirely impossible. I've noticed how my life is set up to not have time for stillness. And also, that stillness is always there. Bringing it from the background, to the foreground, is a life-enhancing practice. The more mindful I am, the more life slows down. How nice, for time to pass slowly as the year races on.

Some days, days spent in my mind, are an obstacle course. A psychological martial art. Achieving my endless goals feels like juggling under water, with a snorkel.

Some days, my minutes of mindfulness gather and become a way of being. I feel it in my eyes. In this moment, my chest feels like a lake, reflecting back these words and the atmosphere right here, and not a ripple.

My mind, it still likes to throw stones. And sometimes, while sitting still as can be, I hear the distant sounds of battle. I notice also that the frontline, once familiar, feels far away.

Twenty two days into Mindful in May, I feel much more resilient to what comes, and - with a grace I recognise as the gift of meditation - far more accepting of what goes.

Sensing now. The quiet zoom of attention, a hum, perhaps my heart. Everything recedes and is gone, in a single breath.

There is a pristine part of me. A place where all that life, doesn't leave a trace.

Amazing, really.

Mindful in May Stats
Raised by my amazing sponsors: $2,310
Which has me meditating every day: 45 mins
Total raised by MIM: $75,977!!!
www.mindfulinmay.org

~~

For the dreamers...
Dream Lab: www.dreamlab.com.au

MIM Day 9: Still Here

I'm still very much here. Even when I don't get around to blogging my daily meditation, I do tend to write you a short one in my head after the last bell rings. Sometimes just a sentence, such as:

That was so damn beautiful. Wish you could be here, feel this together.
or
I have nothing to say. It's so nice.

The repercussions of sitting each day, after only a week, are remarkable; in the way subtleties can be remarkable, or the way an undercurrent is invisible from the surface, but its tug changes the way you swim, you drift, you move.

Meditation could change my destination, but mostly it changes how I get there.

MIM Day 5: Meditation isn't improving, but life is...

Does it count if the quality of my distractions are improving? Mmm.

Today was unimpressive. No quiver. No mesmerising mental zoom onto a single perfect point.

But, something is happening. My mind is calmer. Strangely, not necessarily during meditation - but out in the world.

Today, for example, was a mixed bag of a day. My heart did some miles. But I weathered it with a distinct, un-massively-flustered, not-at-all-resistant, kind of vibe.

And, after meditating for 40 minutes - even with an unstill mind - I feel different afterwards. There is a definite shift. A palpable, quiet, return to center.

For an unimpressive meditation, that's an impressive result.

Ohm.

MIM Day 4: Quiver

Two days ago, a wave of donations catapulted my sponsorship total to over $2,000! Your acts of kindness have pushed my daily meditation practice up from 30 to 40 mins... pfwah.

Let me tell you, for me, this is not just a 10-minute difference. It's a different experience all together, a heightened encounter, and has inspired an intensification of my commitment.

This morning, about half way in and amidst a little body pain and traffic noise, just from one moment to the next, my huge mind focused its entire expanse on one experience - breathing.

It lasted some time. Quivering on the edge of letting go and grasping, I felt a swell of gratitude.

~~

With me I'd taken Lao-Tzu...

Live in a good place.
Keep your mind deep.
Treat others well.
Stand by your word.
Make fair rules.
Do the right thing.
Work when it's time.

Only do not contend.
And you will not go wrong.

Tao Te Ching

MIM Day 3: Mindfulness vs. Hummus

Mindfulness Starts to Steer... Mind Fights Back with Hummus

I'm sitting on my meditation cushion. It's 12.20 a.m. on Friday night. Arguably, I should be out flirting and catching up with friends. However, my academic fetish keeps me quite content at home today, reading and writing two (yes, t-w-o) essays for university. Usually, this entails a day of binge eating and regular distractions. Today, that doesn't happen.

I wake up late, around 10 a.m., after a night of vivid dreaming ending with the words: "bring in the cavalry". As a professional dream analyst, I feel jittery about what this message may be preparing me for.

Meditation is on my mind, but I feel a wave of intimidation around doing a 40-minute sit (sponsorship hot over $2000 yesterday!). To my credit, I combine letting myself off the hook with a a mindful move: I become curious about what in me does want to happen in this moment...

MIM Day 2: That Ain’t Meditation

There’s sitting, and there’s sitting. This morning was definitely the latter.

4 a.m., roused by a dream, agitated, looking for something, I find myself at the altar. The scrape and sizzle of a match lit in the dead quiet of night, evocative and romantic, connects me to my days on the open road, in love, in temples, with my best friend Saskia as a teen, and back again to 4 a.m., a little less agitated now, but still looking for something, hoping the sky stays dark for longer than it will.

Pick up Writing on Water by Mooji:

If you keep following

the mind’s play, you will miss

the stillness

inside your own heart

Okay. Let’s go…

MIM Day 1: Long way from pillow to cushion

Today was a remembrance. Hard as it was to get my butt to that cushion, the first whiff of silence was just like meeting an old friend... from 2007.

In November of that year, in the midst of a major life upheaval, I entered a buddhist monastery in Nepal for five weeks. One of the gifts of MIM has already been rereading some of my posts from back then - emotional for me, but also a living testament to the power of meditation: Before Kopan - After - A Month Later.

Okay, back to the here-and-now.

Like a rabbit on a greyhound track, but slower, this morning I set up bells to ring every ten minutes. When the first bell went, I was almost settled. At 20 minutes, I was ansi again. Yes, I have a busy mind, a bustling heart.