There’s something about the freedom of deciding what I will have for dinner that I miss on an almost existential level. It’s so nice to be safe in the nest, to be taken care of, cooked for, cleaned after. But also, it’s not. It’s terrible. It’s deathish. Every night in New York I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and if I wanted. That has been my life for 12 years. It’s a strange thing, but tonight, as I looked down over my mother’s delicious chicken meatballs and pasta, a single tear dropped directly into the sauce; a tiny little salty puddle, and I ate around it so I would have time to process what it meant, and then I made it my last bite.
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(mum... your unconditional love is amazing. don't take it the wrong way. i love you.)
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4 comments:
hey ilana
spent hours the other night reading through your writing after skrask gave me your blog address as she went through check-in so you've been in my thoughts. been wickid catching up with skrask over whisky. I feel part of your life, though I obviously am not, feel like i know you though obviously I don't but still, in some way, connected somehow :)
anyway so this is hello to you and I look forward to hearing more on the firefly project.
gareth x
ps. finally managed to get sas in front of my camera... http://justshortofthesun.blogspot.com
on a practical note - would it help if you took to cooking for your mom and the rest of la familigia every now and then?
might create a sense of control and contribution
would love one of the advocado, tomatoe and blue cheese sandwiched from the oven right now.. yum.
or your mom's russian salads.
gareth... ha-ooowly hot mamma. those are absolutely beautiful, true to sas on the inside, true to sas on the out.
sas maybe be helping rural communities in zambia, but calvin klein is still at home crying.
so gareth... nice to blog you. tried to leave this note there, but it's restricted n'all. still, i'll be dropping by lots!
hey :) sorry bout the restricting thing - sorted it out now - all new to this bloggin thing.
will send u link when i post the entire sas collection...
gx
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