uneven flow

so complicated morphs into so distorted. in the mirror, a distortion. before me, a distortion. see it all how it could be. see it all how it is. the gap, is irreconcilable. in the gap, is all of history. the deep wrinkles. the hunched back. hands flying, brows furowed. so hideously ugly. so hideously mysterious, how all that became me. how i became all that. a remedy is unlikely. except perhaps a quieter voice, a better posture, a tan. a longer fuze. a more placid heart. where is all my even flow. where did my even flow go.